Ft. Hood Massacre

Upon hearing that massive shooting had occurred on a military base, my fist thought was that I hoped it wasn't a crazy Iraq or Afghanistan vet. In my imagination the shooter was a young, disgruntled, alienated, loner, enlisted soldier who had seen to much hell in the middle east and for whatever reason wasn't finding Ft. Hood Texas to be much better. I hate it when these things happen. Because as a former Marine infantryman and Iraq vet, these type of crazy veterans ruin it for the rest of us upstanding vets who contribute and function in society as well as anyone else, often better. People associate you unconsciously with these type of unstable dangerous characters because that is how vets, particularly young infantryman are depicted on T.V. and in movies. But to my surprise all my worries were set aside when I found out the truth. The shooter was not a war veteran, enlisted, young, or even had a dangerous job. He was a pencil pushing psychiatrist who ironically enough counseled people who were having mental issues. Everyone now wants to know why he did it? It is so easy for everyone to take the Islamic extremist angle, I mean he is Muslim in the U.S. military and represents a minority in the service so small it is invisible. While a marine in Camp Lejeune, NC I never served with or knew a Muslim marine in my entire enlistment for four years. So of course it is so easy to say he was a Muslim terrorist in uniform. I don't think this is the case. From what I've heard he was a loner, an outcast who had trouble maintaining relationships. He probably felt rejected by both the military and in his personal relationships. In this view he has more in common with the Virginia Tech shooter than with a Islamic extremist, this is further reinforced when it came out that the guy would frequent strip clubs. I mean if your 39 years old, have no girlfriend/wife, and you're hanging out at strip clubs regularly you have got to be frustrated sexually as well. Dr. Money would have probably said that even this guy would have been castrated like a farm animal none of this would have happened. I agree that he would have a point, because when was the last time a guy that was a ladies man, or in a happy and healthy marriage ever did something like this. Never, because outside of work these better adjusted individuals have more going for them.

Initial impressions

I decided that chapter six would be a good time to take a moment and reflect on "As Nature Made Him." This story is truly as captivating as it is tragic. I really felt for David's parents, the dilemma they faced was immense. No matter what decision they made David was going to eventually going to have to face the hard hand he was dealt. This was further complicated by a doctor who's "expert" advice was corrupted by egotistical aspirations to promote his gender theories. Looking back after so many years it is incredible how a vindictive, and insane man like Dr. Money could possibly be considered the highest authority on sex research in the world. It really makes you cynical about the medical community when a respected man from both Harvard and Johns Hopkins was responsible for a sex change caused not only tremendous suffering, but also actively participated in sexually and emotionally abusing David and his brother throughout their childhood. I find the fact he was taken seriously worthy of its own story which I'm sure would be quite fascinating.

The end of the World

Last night I relaxed on the couch to watch the T.V. Just minutes into my television viewing bliss my telephone rang, it was my good friend Steve’s babys mother and I knew it was not good. I let the phone ring and waited for the dreaded message, I assumed a lovers quarrel had broken out and I was going to be roped into the middle of it via telephone. It’s however, my duty as the godfather to their baby girl to have to be involved against my better judgment. I listened to the message, in which I was informed in a hysterical way that my buddy Steve had completely lost his mind, and was headed west to avoid some kind of apocalypse that was going to strike New York tomorrow on October 25th. My heart rate immediately jumped, “No way!” I said. I couldn’t believe what I was listening to. Just a few hours before I had talked to Steve and everything seemed okay, he was preparing to spend his night uneventfully taking care of his daughter at his house. The only thing unusual about our conversation was that he would not stop talking about a terrorist attack that was going to happen tomorrow, according to numerous conspiracy theories he had watched on Youtube. He went on about how secret organizations such as the Illuminati were controlling everything. I repeatedly told him I felt the conspiracies were total B.S. and thought at first he couldn’t possibly believe this stuff. But no, he lectured on and on which saddened me that he had bought into the propaganda of it all. When our conversation ended I still would have never guessed that he would have a few hours later readied himself for the apocalypse. As you can imagine, after hearing the voice mail I immediately called up Steve to find out what was really going on. I was shocked when he answered the phone and confirmed to me that he was indeed driving west to escape the apocalypse. I told him he could drive down and relax at my place in D.C., but considering what he was avoiding D.C. was about the last place to be when the nuclear war starts. I was running out of options, my good friend who I had shared a foxhole with In Iraq. He had my back but I couldn’t have his because I was too far away to do anything. Most disturbing was that he brought with himself gear for camping in the woods, a handgun, and from the way our conversation sounded I assumed drugs as well. I pleaded with him to turn around and head back to his house, I felt like this was going to end horribly. After the disturbing conversation had ended, I called up my buddy Rob who also served in Iraq with Steve and me. Rob lives in the same town as Steve and I figured he could do more to help than I ever could from D.C. Rob tried unsuccessfully as well to persuade Steve to go home. It would be after hours of no word or contact from our friend that he finally called to tell me he had gotten home and this ordeal had ended. I am still in disbelief of the events of last night, what could motivate a man to think the world is going to end. I still haven’t really come to a conclusion as to what last night was all about but it was very unusual and worth documenting in this blog, that’s for sure.

Why I Like Winter

On such a miserable cold and rainy day it's odd that I would write a blog like this. But I'm odd myself, and had the impulse to share my feelings. Winter is the time to get serious in all pursuits in life. Summer is just the opposite, we try to enjoy the weather whenever possible. We make every effort to get in as many barbecues and beach trips as possible. For most Americans that both work and go to school indoors, we take every opportunity possible to go outside and enjoy the beautiful weather. Bars are never packed, because it is just as enjoyable to drink a beer in your backyard. However, I still like winter just because it motivates me. It feels warm and inviting to be at your job and school compared to the unpleasant outdoor environment. As a result I get more done and feel more accomplished at both. I never want to go to Bars, which are packed to the gills and uncomfortable, because there is no other way to socialize during the frigid months. Without this distraction I find myself most satisfied by settling into a monastic routine of lifting weights, studying, and putting in extra hours at my job. By the time spring rolls around, my grades, paycheck, and body are all in the best shape which makes me proud. Thank you winter, the misery you put me through keeps me focused.

Why We Resist Our Emotions

When I grew up, my role models always stressed that I needed to be more responsible and mature. When I didn't live up to these expectations and acted irrationally, I was scolded. Teachers would say these things all the time, "You guys are in 4th grade, you need to act like it." This was usually because of minor irrational child impulses: fidgeting, yelling, throwing things and so forth. Fifteen years later at George Mason a classroom can often resemble a monastery, the professor talking at a quiet attentive classroom. Sounds like my 4th grade teachers dream, but why? What happened in the last fifteen years? Surely some of my fellow classmates want to do all sorts of crazy impulsive acts in the classroom, but most of them keep a lid on it.

This great transformation of behavior has much to do with a overhaul of how we are taught and forced to think. Truth be told, the day you left your mother's womb, you were as much an animal as the chimpanzee or dog, but our society works tirelessly during our socialization to kill this inner animal, and create a "rational" human being. This is because acting without logic and reason makes you unpredictable. An irrational person's behavior cannot be forecasted. It lacks the consistency of reason you get when you have a rational decision making process, which is learned during all those formative years. Moreover, a society with irrational people will not function, let alone thrive because no one could trust each other in even the most basic of dealings. We built the Pyramids, and put a man on the moon because we all gave up our animal instincts and desires to conform to the reason and rationality the civilized world demands of its members.